omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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