Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
