Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
