you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
