I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
