what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
