it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
