That's intense
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
