hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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