All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
