I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
