she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
