If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
