haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
