She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
