I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
