I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
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