btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i would punch a child for taco bell
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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