How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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