anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
