If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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