just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
