You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
