Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Randomize
