Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
i think my cat just said my name.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
