I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Randomize