he thought i was a dude.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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