i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
