Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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