Dude my mom stole all your condoms
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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