What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize