Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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