Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
