and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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