i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
