woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
