So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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