I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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