i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
