just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize