I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
It's just like the Real World with babies
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
