drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
