I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
