Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
