I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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