i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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