I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
