I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
