a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
