just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize