I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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