hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
