just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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