just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
