she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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