please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
