He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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