I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
