Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
love makes seman taste better
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Randomize
