So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize