She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
