the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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