It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
