Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
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