I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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