I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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