Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
