I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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