Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
