Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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