It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
