And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
