it wasn't lemon gatorade
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
